a moment of randomness….

sorry a couple real posts coming sooon, but for now please enjoy a look a “Christian Jelly Bellies” over at SCL

I needed the laugh this morning…

I got this off Greg Atkinson’s blog this morning and I got a kick out of it… don’t be surprised if you get automated replies from me from now on…

Best Out of Office Replies by Jeremy Wright

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.

3. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from holiday on 4 April. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged £5.99 for the first ten words and £1.99 for each additional word in your message.

5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and trysending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

6. Thank you for your message, which has been adde d to a queuing system… You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

7. I’ve run away to join a different circus.

8. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons… When I return, please refer to me as “Margaret” instead of “Steve”.

*** I don’t know about you, but I’ve needed a laugh lately. I thank Eric for always having a smile and a joke ready. Number 1 is my personal favorite. So what can you come up with? Got a number 9 and 10 reply?

You’ve got to be kidding me.

So Clark and I have this little game we do to amuse ourselves, if someone says something really stupid we ask Public or Private, meaning did they go to a public school or a private school.

So what do you think, Public or Private?

Geek Talk….

That’s right this post is for people who aren’t afraid to admit their geeks!
(And yes you apple fan-boys, you’re included by default in this)… for that matter if you even reading blogs to begin with chances are you’re a geek… (hmmmm that gives me ideas for a Jeff Foxworthy-ish post “You might be a geek if…”)

So anyways here’s a few interesting geek stories that I’ve found and decided to share with you, that’s right you, the one sitting down over there reading this

So yeah I’d like an iphone but… these are just cool… way cool imagine a world where people go from talking on their cellphone to playing in a Jazz (insert world relevant to the number of people around you) in seconds! And it’s not just limited to jazz, (though that was the first thought that popped into my mind).

So this is something right out of a movie… and while it’s cool it’s also kind of creepy. So move aside pixar Emily’s kung-fu is stronger than yours. Watch the video in the link, it’s got to be seen to be believed.

Finally putting that road space to good use… Of course then you run into the problem of what to do during a cloudy day… But sure no one wants to hear MY theories of a magnetic induction generator, though there is the problem of needing a ten jigawatt flux capacitor…

Though speaking of roads reminds me that I still need to get a new gps unit… Oh look here’s one, how convenient and… KIT is that you? wow GPS AND a slice of my childhood all wrapped up in one convienent package. Directions to anywhere even Beijing…

And speaking of Beijing, unless you live under a rock I’m sure you know that the Olympics are going on right now. Well apparently even up in the Satelite Of Love they’re aware of what’s going on….

For Pick

I found this online, for Jeremy Our Worship Leader.

Relax!

Okay so I admit it’s been a bit stressful last week, I had a lot going on at work, I had quite a bit going on at Lifepoint, and now I’m a bit behind on my blogging, but I found this little article on stress management and it was so helpful for me that I wanted to share it with you.

“Whenever you are having a rough day, try this stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile.

1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.

2. You can feel both your hands dangling in the cool running water.

3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.

4. No one knows your secret place.

5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called “The World”.

6. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out the face of the person you are holding underwater.

See? It really does work. You’re smiling Already!”

Oh the Irony…

So I finally post the Twitter blog post I started last night… now the thing about twitter is with the nature of the service they, (the geeks at twitter) are constantly upgrading, fixing and generally tweeking their servers, which results in twitter outages… Not ten seconds after I put up my post twitter went down for yet unknown reasons…

Oh the Irony…

So I finally post the Twitter blog post I started last night… now the thing about twitter is with the nature of the service they, (the geeks at twitter) are constantly upgrading, fixing and generally tweeking their servers, which results in twitter outages… Not ten seconds after I put up my post twitter went down for yet unknown reasons…

If you’re reading this…

You can’t sing the blues, sorry, but you just can’t see the last rule of the blues for clarification.

Anyway I know this is random, and not really involved like one of my normal posts, but I got a kick out of it and hope you do, so this is lame kiwi Jackson signing out.

I received this in an email a while ago and while I saved the text I can’t remember who sent it to me, but with no more further ado…

How to sing the Blues … A Primer

——————————————————————————–

Most Blues begin, “Woke up this morning…”

“I got a good woman” is a bad way to begin the Blues, ‘less you stick something nasty in the next line like, “I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town.”

The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes . . . sort of: “Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound.”

The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch–ain’t no way out.

Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don’t travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft an’ state-sponsored motor pools ain’t even in the running. Walkin’ plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin’ to die.

Teenagers can’t sing the Blues. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues “adulthood” means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don’t get rain.

A man with male pattern baldness ain’t the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cause you skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg ’cause a alligator be chomping on it is.

You can’t have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

Good places for the Blues: a) Highway; b) Jailhouse; c) Empty bed; d) Bottom of a whiskey glass. Bad places for the Blues: a) Dillard’s; b) Gallery openings; c) Ivy League institutions; d) Golf courses; e) Starbucks

No one will believe it’s the Blues if you wear a suit, ‘less you happen to be a old ethnic person, and you slept in it.

Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if a) You older than dirt; b) You blind; c) You shot a man in Memphis; d) You can’t be satisfied. No, if a) You have all your teeth; b) You were once blind but now can see; c) The man in Memphis lived; d) You have a 401K or trust fund.

Blues is not a matter of color. It’s a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.

If you ask for water and your darlin’ give you gasoline, it’s the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are a) Cheap wine; b) Whiskey or bourbon; c) Muddy water; d) Nasty black coffee. The following are NOT Blues beverages: a) Perrier; b) Chardonnay; c) Snapple; d) Slim Fast; e) Mocha Latte

If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it’s a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken down cot. You can’t have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or getting liposuction.

Some Blues names for women: a) Sadie; b) Big Mama; c) Bessie; d) Fat River Dumpling

Some Blues names for men a) Joe; b) Willie; c) Little Willie; d) Big Willie

Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Debbie, and Heather can’t sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

Make your own Blues name Starter Kit: a) Name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.); b) First name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.); c) Last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.); d) For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, Jakeleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not “Kiwi.”)

I don’t care how tragic your life, if you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues.

If you’re reading this…

You can’t sing the blues, sorry, but you just can’t see the last rule of the blues for clarification.

Anyway I know this is random, and not really involved like one of my normal posts, but I got a kick out of it and hope you do, so this is lame kiwi Jackson signing out.

I received this in an email a while ago and while I saved the text I can’t remember who sent it to me, but with no more further ado…

How to sing the Blues … A Primer

——————————————————————————–

Most Blues begin, “Woke up this morning…”

“I got a good woman” is a bad way to begin the Blues, ‘less you stick something nasty in the next line like, “I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town.”

The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes . . . sort of: “Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound.”

The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch–ain’t no way out.

Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don’t travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft an’ state-sponsored motor pools ain’t even in the running. Walkin’ plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin’ to die.

Teenagers can’t sing the Blues. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues “adulthood” means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don’t get rain.

A man with male pattern baldness ain’t the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cause you skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg ’cause a alligator be chomping on it is.

You can’t have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

Good places for the Blues: a) Highway; b) Jailhouse; c) Empty bed; d) Bottom of a whiskey glass. Bad places for the Blues: a) Dillard’s; b) Gallery openings; c) Ivy League institutions; d) Golf courses; e) Starbucks

No one will believe it’s the Blues if you wear a suit, ‘less you happen to be a old ethnic person, and you slept in it.

Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if a) You older than dirt; b) You blind; c) You shot a man in Memphis; d) You can’t be satisfied. No, if a) You have all your teeth; b) You were once blind but now can see; c) The man in Memphis lived; d) You have a 401K or trust fund.

Blues is not a matter of color. It’s a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.

If you ask for water and your darlin’ give you gasoline, it’s the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are a) Cheap wine; b) Whiskey or bourbon; c) Muddy water; d) Nasty black coffee. The following are NOT Blues beverages: a) Perrier; b) Chardonnay; c) Snapple; d) Slim Fast; e) Mocha Latte

If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it’s a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken down cot. You can’t have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or getting liposuction.

Some Blues names for women: a) Sadie; b) Big Mama; c) Bessie; d) Fat River Dumpling

Some Blues names for men a) Joe; b) Willie; c) Little Willie; d) Big Willie

Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Debbie, and Heather can’t sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

Make your own Blues name Starter Kit: a) Name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.); b) First name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.); c) Last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.); d) For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, Jakeleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not “Kiwi.”)

I don’t care how tragic your life, if you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues.